I made a deal with myself this morning,
quiet and small and sworn.
Not today. Not one tear.
Not over something that worn.
I was doing so well by the afternoon.
I almost believed it was true.
Then you went and posted a picture
and of course it had to be you.

And of course he looks like me.
Of course. Of course he does.
The same general shape of a person
you apparently always was
looking for, just... Not this one.
Not the original. Not the draft.
You wanted the idea of me
without the aftermath.

I am not crying. I said I would not.
I am just sitting here still,
looking at a face that is almost my face
on a life that was almost until.
He is smiling the smile I used to smile.
You are standing the way that you stood.
And I am just here being fine about it.
I am fine. I am fine. I am good.

I made a deal with myself this morning.
I intend to see it through.
So I put the phone down. I put the phone down.
I put the phone down.
I'm putting the phone down.
I'm going to put the phone down.
I did not cry.
I just forgot how to breathe for a minute.
That does not count.
That is just the body
doing what the body does
when it recognizes
the shape of something
it used to call mine.